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The Funeral Home Field Trip

Added Feb 17, 2016 •

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I want to touch briefly upon role of the funeral director but before I do that I just want to  just go over a few things you know it has been written that death is the crisis of life and how man handles death indicates a great deal about how we approach his life as there is a Jewish way of life  there is a which way of death here's the tricky part  when does a person learn about all of this do they learn about this sitting at the desk in front of a funeral director  who really is not trained so much in these air funeral director can either be an order taker or an Undertaker  but what is that funeral director undertaking the undertaking the sacred responsibility that we have to make sure that our Jewish Brethren have a proper Jewish burial hard to educate a family who has no idea no concept of these in yanam at the time of a how about a family that comes in just cremated there  parent two years before now they come in and they want to do the sing sing  for their father is that the time to start educating them it's a difficult question that's why everyone here can become ambassadors of the Jewish way of death little bit of knowledge we can change so much for the 20% of the traditional Jews that there are no problem they're going to have a Jewish burial and maybe for the other 10% who somehow or another are touched by the lives of a additional Jew who says listen you got to have it to Hera you got to have a Jewish burial they too have a great chance of sing a traditional Jewish burial but what about the other 70% of not affiliated Jews who just don't know what did Jewish burial is hard to educate at the last moment it really is that's why it's up to all of us there's a tremendous movement out there  of Education  do you know that I'm going to save take Bruce Miller for example how many babies are born in a traditional family that have a bris Milah everyone from a traditional family but I'm going to say probably this about 80% of the non-observant family still observes that mitzvah is interesting because of the tires that are done 100% of the traditional Community gets a tahara a smaller amount good non-traditional Community has a tahara but of the Tijeras that are done 80% of the tires are done a nun additional hidden  did somehow someway found their way  to be able to provide their loved ones  with this tremendous dignity the Jewish way death and burial now this 80% of the tires that are not done swing statement that a funeral director can say funeral director can say to the family oh you're not Orthodox you don't need this give me that said unfortunately but it's changing and now Funeral Directors themselves are starting to see the value in haha trap  when families say to me I don't want it to Hara  and I asked them point-blank I say to them someone is going to prepare your loved one for burial someone it's either going to be the worker in the back of the funeral home and I'm not going to degrade the work or who's working in the back of the funeral home  I won't even use words like callus or desensitize but  it's either that person  for IT is The Men Who prepare men or the women who were women  in a caring most dignified manner tahara take your choice and when people under then what Tahoe really is the beauty of tahara most of the time they will say that's what I want for my loved one explain to them that the same care that would be given to God forbid my father became ill and need care  in washing his body bathing his body how careful anybody I would want watch him including myself how careful we would be in turning his body in caring for his needs that's the same care that the fabric Edition gives to a deceased body the ones contain the soul we look at that body as of the holy vessel  once contain the soul in the soul is crying out  do what's right for my body treat my Mia's that holy vessel  and when people do understand the concept of tahara most of the time  they will say yes that's what I want for my loved ones anybody here familiar with Rabbi twerski Rabbi Abraham twerski  rabbi twerski in one of his books  he talks about how he grew up in the rabbinate and when you go to shul it's just a matter of you know fact of life vet bills have to be paid in Schewels salaries have to be paid and people that have money sometimes are treated a little more  they're given the honors more so than those who have no money Rabbi twerski said the only place that he had  scene where that did not occur was in a room of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting you could take you could drive your Mercedes-Benz to that meeting or you can take your last quarter and get on a bus and arrive in that meeting and when you were in that meeting everyone was equal  well that's the whole concept of the Jewish approach to death that's why we who's top Rhythm symbolizing Purity equality some people live their lives and can afford fancy clothing and others torn clothing it's the great equalizer that's the whole concept of the Jewish way of death we use a plane open casket no matter how wealthy one is we encourage one to use plain simple  The Equalizer we're born into this world equal we leave this world equally the only thing we can take with us have those mitts has that we do in this world interesting because  one of the first things that we do at Olivia and a funeral is we ask forgiveness we recognize that it's nearly impossible to live our lives without making mistakes we all make mistakes and if there's anything that we may have done to take away from the honor of the deceased we ask for forgiveness  and if there's anything set the deceased may have done to us  we Grant forgiveness  the very first thing and forgiveness the tremendous give that a shame has given to us if we utilize it properly it can really set us free but I'm going to take it just one step further we focus on and I'm doing everything for the deceased  we focus on their honor and their covet covet amazed  is that it  don't we cover Bread on Friday night when we make the Kiddush not to embarrass the bread  and the greater lesson we learn from that is  how careful we should be not to embarrass spell human beings  so we ask forgiveness from the deceased we focus all of our attention on the disease to make sure we're doing everything right for the deceased much more  should we be involved  and making sure that we're doing right by our fellow sometimes that's overlook I'm sure it's not in this group so it's just a matter of getting the word out  people to understand the beauty of tahara the beauty of rhythm the show me what's the purpose of a show mayor years ago it served a dual purpose there was a physical and a spiritual purpose for a show where a body was put in a less than sanitary sanitized environment and possibly could be intruded by bugs  hit all kinds of other things and rodents those were years ago we don't have those conditions any longer so now it's really  a spiritual comfort for a Jew neshama  to be next to in near another Jewish neshama again hovering over that body make sure that everything is done properly in a dignified manner sing to him it's a comfort it's a tremendous Comfort to the neshama it is in a state of limbo wanting so much to cleave to that body because it's so used to that body and wanting to ascend on when we go to the cemetery I'm sure that there are people here that know situations where the guests and everyone that come to the funeral they're out the gate long before the casket is even lowered into the ground one of the practices that we do and I encourage everyone to listen it's something worth listening to  three real good reasons why we stay for the berry and why we participate in the burial number one from a contempt contemporary psychological viewpoint we say is pain close it is to watch the casket being lowered into the ground and hearing it first thought of Earth hit the casket as painful as that is what is the opposite of the Nile  and it's the beginning of a healthy bereavement process and that falls right in line with Tara thought II  6 million of our loved ones never had the opportunity to have a are Jewish burial we have a privilege and opportunity to make sure that our loved ones have a proper burial  and number three sometimes resonates in the hearts and minds of those who are not so connected and that is just as our parents wouldn't leave our bedsides without tucking us into bed as children we're not going to let our loved ones we're not going to leave them for we tuck them in the gods Earth  I want to end with a story that Fitness is vermin had in her book  about a family that I was dealing with long time ago and they told me that their father wasn't in a couple dresser  and he wore the right clothing I asked what did he wear at a wedding all the finest Uxie and wouldn't he loved golf what did he wear on the golf course all we had his golf outfit and we play Tennessee put on his shorts and he had his tennis outfit excellent and what do you want your father to be wearing here I sit well is tuxedo or something casual I said the prop what tire for this affair top rehab  and they agreed that for this affair the top refund who are the proper attire and he did have a proper burial lot of stories about people who have found their way back to you this guy back to Judaism through a loss in through the understanding or at least the acceptance of the Jewish way of death you'll be amazed how do people have come back to Judaism  thank you very which philosopher powerful is really it's a pleasure to really hear funeral director talk about the experience from your perspective so many of us see it from the perspective of attending funerals and sometimes as guests and sometimes as mourners but to hear from you but if it makes it makes me feel so much better knowing that our families are in such good hands so thank you I thought it made sense just for few minutes everybody do I'm talk about  the other side of this practice just to give you a little bit more of a grounding here you all have experience at some point paying a Shiva call you've all been at someone's home  who is sitting shiva  some of the snow have sat Shiva I want to talk a little bit about some of the basic practices that are involved signal Korean single understanding and get an appreciation for what it is that we're talking about  just very quickly there are three stages of mourning that we dad that we go through the first stage once the burial is complete that's called Shiva to seven days of Shiva Shiva you have lotion that's the completion of the Thirty Days of mourning now it goes from very intense morning during level two little bit less intense morning during slow shim notably you know course that during Shiva one doesn't leave his or her home thresh lotion when does all the other morning practices are kept and then only for parents we have was referred to as good bet phone you have a morning show me the exchange for an entire year that's the three stages it's only for parents that you have the entire year of morning but for the rest of the relatives again talking about relatives for from One Mourns we're talking about the sheep oktovian that would be that would refer their to brother sister Sun daughter  mother father and a spouse those the seven clothing for whom one would mourn and look for a mother and a father we who to whom we owe Our Lives. Morning pretty extends for for for an entire year I wanted to talk about a couple of the practices you fight scene and Shiva home just be aware of them one more notable practice on noticeable practices is of course the covering of the mirrors like you've seen this before you know what I'm talking about you and Shiva homes the mirrors are covered their number of different reasons that when they go to the origin of this of this men hug I want to mention to that I think are important and interesting the the first is a focus on Hashem and focus on God we talk about people being created the total says that man is it's Elemental Kim that we are to an extent of reflection of God in this world we are meant to be creative beings in this world just like God in the world we're supposed to imitate God in all the way do in this world so when a person dies when a person passes that's a certain diminishment of God's presence swirled as well so one reason why cover the mirrors is to not see other human beings not to see people who are selves a reflection of God when somebody is lost when somebody goes on to the next World we see that as not just a loss of that person but of a diminishment do an extent of God's presence in this world is each person's creative Excel ML King that's one interpretation of why it is that we cover mirrors in House of in Sugarhouse open interpretation it's not focused on God it's focused on man during this time. We are supposed to be not thinking about our own vanity and not think how we look not focusing on ourselves but thinking about the lost one the one who we cherish so much whose life we are morning and by covering the mirror we're emphasized that I'm not focusing on myself we're only thinking about thinking about others at that time I also just wanted to mention of course you've seen it that they know what more sits on the low chair when you enter a Shiva house  people in different moods I'm sure different homes have different sort of styles of a Shiva house stop when there's eight when there's an untimely tragic death that is a very different field than we going to ship a house of somebody who has lived a full rich life in his diet Diamond old age even though of course no matter when a person dies it's still shocking to the family is it home different emotional feel when you're going to somebody's live the full life as opposed to somebody's life is cut short whatever the case maybe though when you go to a Shiva house we should all notice for when we go and visit and comfort the mourner one of the mix of Me Home album of comforting the mourners what we are supposed to do is wait for the person to speak before we address them I've been in Shiva homes for that have been like you know just so painfully tragic loss of a child  that is a whole different field then that Shiva house when you meet when I'm going to comfort a friend who's lost a grandparent who live to an old age and been successful life at home when I went to the still seared in my memory of a friend of mine who lost a child  walking into the house with the mother and father sobbing not saying a word to me and I sat down next to them  and I sat down there for an hour can I house with my head down looking at them as they sat there sobbing it was in his diaper it like it was just fine where's ago  I didn't say anything I sat there for about an hour and a half sitting next to them looking at them there was an odd they didn't say to me they just cried for an hour and a half I got up at the end of that Shiva set him up with me not going to defend the tough shower daily steel Misha line walked out of the shithouse what episode without saying a word for an hour and a half and I felt awful realizing months later when the how to speak into my friends after this awful tragic loss of a child that just the very Act of being there in the home showing your support is itself a come for the for the person the reason why we don't speak in a Shiva house to the more until the more speaks to us because we take our cue from them you know how it is that we're going to be able to comfort them so when the person is not responding even when they when the parents of the of the of the child who passed away we're sitting there crying inconsolably they didn't want me to talk to them they didn't want me to try to offer any kind of hollow words that would ring phony to them they were in a position in our lives but they needed to absorb the tragedy and the gravity of of the of of the loss without any words spoken or just the of people being there with them in that sense mimics of course the famous words of our own when he lost his son by you don't have no no Messiah sometimes that's what they need but sometimes you to show the house you sit down the person's morning you sit down in front of them and they open up and they start talking intraday they say words to You and which point you start talking about the deceased asking them where was the person born tell me about their life and that's sometimes is Prince much more to the person who is morning then just sitting there silently and so I think it's important to realize that when we all go pay Shiva Claus that's important thing to realize that we Stark you from the person sitting shiva we don't speak until spoken to so that we know what will bring the greatest Comfort many people said that there's something that's so psychologically astute so psychologically brilliant about the Jewish morning practice of having somebody who sitting shiva staying in their home in which people from all around their lives in the world will come visit them and share with them and be supportive of them and then gradual to work the way back into the real world into their lives through slow him and then you'd bet hodosh and then every year having the yard site which they commemorate the person this is a process that I think is very to me since very psychologically wise and one that brings on great comfort to the to the families I just wanted to share some of these some of some of this with you so you have a sense not just from the tire what's taking place in the soda speak the backroom this is the side that weird now that you don't necessarily see all the time I just wanted to show through a little bit today or what it is that we do spend a lot of time dealing with when is that we're paying shipping calls now that the mates has been washed and purified changed our gloves and we are ready to dress the mate immediately prior to beginning a small sheet is placed over the face maintain the Dignity of the mate  the talk with him are removed from the box separated and laid out on the table so all garments are easily visible and identifiable  the order of dressing the mate this follows the veil is placed on the forehead and tied at the side with a regular bow the hair has been cloned and then the cap is placed over the top of the head and tied with a regular boat on the opposite side the pants are placed on the mate beginning with the right leg than the left leg and pulled up from the feet until you reach the waist arrange the Garment so that the pants seamlessly the shirt is arranged over the mate face down neck down  and a shirt is in place mermaid beginning with the right arm than the left arm and lifted over the head of the mace it is important to have one dresser support the head of the mates while this process is performed while supporting the head two dressers lift the shoulders of the mate by lifting the arm and then the shirt can be pulled down as far as possible toward the waist Skittles place next in the same fashion as the shirt I'm sorry go back and Tuck the shirt into the pants so that the material is arranged smoothly next  tie the shirt twisting four-time X forming the letter shin the Kittle comes next twist 4 * in forming a shin then we tie the pants he will twist the tie nine times and form the letter shin the kitchen is been pulled down over the pants ties are then placed around the Cavs beginning with the right and then the left  they're tied with a simple bow rearrange the shirts that is nicely listen to the pants and ensure that the kids will is arranged smoothly over the shirt and pants the gartel is then placed between the legs of the mate and his broad to the waist  it is important to ensure that the Garfield is not twist  it is why I'm 13 x with Ash in Thai sing the head sheet is placed in the our own and the maid is carefully moved and positioned on top of it okay we have we have that there we place hello under the head stuffed with straw the veil is lifted and a mixture of egg white and vinegar is applied to the hairline and eyebrows goodnight broken pieces of pottery are placed along the mouth and eyes Earth from Israel is sprinkled over the eyes and heart of the mate the sheet is closed over the made by first covering the feet then the head then the left side when the right side is tucked in  after the tire is needed forgiveness is asked from the mates it is customary to say the name of the mates and recite we beg forgiveness for you for any offence we may have committed performing our duties according to local tradition we'll do a couple of things any questions that people have about what you saw so far today that we may not have been able to address fully tree Eliza question then what you got yeah yeah so so couple of things about the knots in the pottery getting a lot of these one of the Customs go way back in the origins are not a hundred percent clear different covers of different Traditions about something Sergeant's I'll tell you things I've heard about some of the issues the knots personally mention that the knots when they're form they create a shin the idea of a creator Schimmel you've seen probably on a mezuzah you have a shin on a mezuzah right the idea that that's what franchise name shikari is it some of the chain is supposed to supposed to represent as we're as well as to make those nuts in terms of the pottery what I've heard of as an origin of the pottery if you don't get pottery song The comes from the Earth by the pottery is from is it's it's made of Earth and the battery is broken so the same way that you are ba getting our bodies are being returned to the Earth we put the pottery on in the casket along with the with the mate wear to symbolize that idea again return of the body returning to the earth and the idea of it being broken potteries if there is something that is of course you know that is shattered with the loss of this of this person if anybody else wants to I'm I'm saying you don't my PC or if anybody wants to or correct or you know supplement happy to have a couple more questions and one more question question question was Lara done any differently depending on the age of the person who passed away no just now viable entity has to be a living vial we deal with also fetal people have lost children and that's done differently there's no tower for that correct correct but there's no difference between a child or an adult in terms of the difference only be somebody something about the burial of a fetus of a different but morning there is a different difference under 30 days there is no morning. Danish Ahmad doesn't need to have that morning. I need two people to interview I need to know how people were responding to this tremendous thing and I can't tell you what I learned I must have talked to about 75 people in all streams of Judaism and each was so elevating and so enormously interesting course there have been a first and so I thought I would start first with Africa as a member of the Boca Raton Community hey Brooklyn synagogue Community I started with the favorite kadisha and my fur and in the book I did not identify the name of the person just out of respect to the person on whom they had done at the Hara so I meant Vera that's how she's listed in the book who told me the most amazing story about mother-in-law on who's tahara she had done now let me let me just give you briefly some of the things that I do remember but you did not have such a good relationship with him with her mother-in-law snot who her mother-in-law would have chosen for her but you know what that goes all the time so that's not on usually once told me that my son is for a wife for himself and not a friend for me so I had to remember that and her mother-in-law had to come from Mexico to the bar mitzvah of her son and she went out to smoke and she didn't come back so quickly and people who live in this community hopefully remember this and then they went out back and they saw her floating in the canal behind the house and then there were loving you can imagine that a house of Celebration went into a house of mourning and there were so any issues to be dealt with and in the in my interview with Vera she told me that despite all it had gone on she decided that she would do her mother-in-law's to be part of the team that did her mother-in-law's to her up and this are very first to Hara and Vera is no none other than our head of the fair condition book once in a dog that any vet will tell you the stuff all I have in the book is her immediate reaction and it's now turn your fingers 18 years since of Hatter that was my first to her I'd always heard that would have recognition but I didn't know what it was I'm not coming from a religious background my husband says I like the Robin was mentioning can you have any clue what it means fabriceditions please send whatever I need to be part of it when you have his with my mother-in-law you don't remember seeing what's a very thing can you show that we have it still withhold a family member that everybody was very upset and we have it to convince in my husband and me that the best way to do it will be at the house in Florida until I have to Mexico  everybody was supposed to that so he was a very hard situation that we took a day and a half to be able to prepare her to get ready everything from the state and from the embassy and everything together and open today I can tell everybody I think we do the correct position  should I to go to an autopsy on embalming and my husband first Charlie Brown during that time he decide he will sending one of them  one of the doctors of the community to watch over the process and to say folded that we need to save my husband was brave enough to take that with him and snuggle into the costume in bubble juice because for him was very important to her mother's getting very the traditional way  that was my first  Tahari sing on sing 10 is not a horror that I go and it's something for her my relationship with her was no good he was very distant my night really thank her for everything that she told me thanks to her Idol Tijeras thanks to her I live with myself to do they have her condition book 24/7 and I just think about how beautiful she gave me idlife she was never able to teach me anything but she was able to teach me that  I'm every year I go to Mexico my first my first stop is going to see her bring her how wonderful watch for me to experience a half and I'm able to trust me that experience to everybody anything else I do remember that event the chews very nervous it was her first time since she is there was this and I never said anything before never saw a dead body before and her mother was here for the bar mitzvah also and so she said to her mother would it be respectful for me to see her in the news and her mother very wisely told her it's not the physicality of all of this that is important is as is the spirit and conviction with which you are doing this the other thing that told me in the in the in her interview I just reread it is that the other members of the team that had said to her are you sure you want to do this until the very submitted and she really resented they're doing that cuz she's already made this very firm decision that this is what she had and you can see the power from the story that Evette told you you can see the power of tahara less kind of got some on and on  people that they do tomorrow they will relate to that when you see a body that is not really wait to see it we walk out the room and somebody said they have surgery have them for life the best thing  some people they said that you saw no he was not important you don't Focus you don't f*** with your thing in Sinaloa I will be leaving town I don't know you feel the same experience trusting that when I begin to talk to Robert Cole about having this series of discussions I had thought that we would have won a month or something saddle for period of six or eight months and then he came back after you talk to the judaic studies stuff and they said they fell which should be very compact because this is all very new information and it was important to remember what you had heard at the previous session sing I came away with this by having it Compaq that's way it kind of mirrors what happens in the Torah Mara is so intense that you think of nothing else while you're there  those worth Trey powerful thank you for sharing that I want open it up for questions can we consider talking and sharing what we know are clots but I'm sure be lot more you know a lot more informative if we're responding to your if someone passed away what about Sunday be Sunday could be at the be on Sunday off the alarm about anything on this has a what well I have had this experience but let me share my own and my husband's he was the you'll meet him at our final session he was the founding members of The Westchester forever that I belong to and  he did a tahara on a holocaust Survivor who had a tattoo and he said you know I mean this was a kid or shame you don't remove the tattoo and then set a timer that I did hear it was on a young woman who was very much into the counterculture and we did it and she had like her tattoos on her everywhere don't know that's probably falls in the Min hike thing is there is there might be some people who would say you don't do it to her on play with a tattoo but this was part of the person that we buried  sure Styles in Lake in Dexter blood after diarrhea what is like hair falls out in the process while you're brushing it yourself  we don't save their we can say that is very obvious that he probably wasn't murdered not everybody's number Hospital people that do died in their homes on Travis and say they died Friday night and they're not under Hospice Care Hospice Care the only way that you can eliminate having to call the the problem is is though that many people see it was a death on Friday night they know they're not supposed to do anything cuz really the most traditional play in Dukes do nothing till after Shabbos but go 24 hours without calling the police and the police all of a sudden red flags go up why did you wait 24 hour words to call and so it's always good and you can always do this but obviously if it's an emergency situation in a person wasn't expected to pass play Then families going to call nine-one-one usually they're going to before a person expires or they're going to think there's a chance of Reviving that person but going into Shabbos it's always good if there's a situation where it looks like it could happen on Shabbos to notify a non-jewish person ahead of time they should call the police on Shabbos no no no is willing to sign okay depends on a whole set of circumstances how old is the person who was the person read it at all for any prior condition brought you know we're constantly fighting the men not fighting working with the men examiner's offices to prevent autopsies and most of the time we're successful but there are certain things that are just black and white that you cannot prevent most homicides suicides are not from you can't prevent an autopsy next week of those lives that we actually motor to the topic of autopsies well as organ donation everybody traditions of how they interpret body request not to do certain things yeah that I know of as pointed out what does the families that come don't even know what a tahara is so they don't know to request a certain request Santa Horace where the request was they want their mother dressed in this they wore she wore to their wedding so the the rule that we made that we told the funeral director of is that we will do the complete tahara and place the person in the arm and then if they feel that they have to abide by the request of the family than they can put whatever I want to talk but we don't disturb what we do go to that I worked at in Westchester County you know the way would work so it was someone a funeral home in contact the head of the pepper Kenisha and it'll have a good Easter then a text message out to the whole group saying who's available for who's available to perform to have it tonight and people respond why is precise specifically specifically asked to be a member of a of a person's of a specific person's to neighbor of mine who who you know his father who died of it you know it is late 90s wide spend some time with the goose blind for the last number of years light and in my choice to sit next to him and sometimes I would you know he was kidding to read the sitter I would sometimes I would be able to relationship with him and I was very moved when my neighbor called me up and said like a neighbor who is also on the chevra called me up and asked me you know please we'd like to have people who knew his father-in-law who knew his father-in-law perform the tyrants I was very honored we asked if that time too long to do what I could to for Amanda really giving me a lot during my life communities take Brooklyn you've got many several covers knishes you have Sephardic several condition you've got Koosh German fabric kadeesha you've got all different from all to me and you got 20 different hasidim have their own cover katisha so they people would ask that they want this specific ever condition to come in in Boca Raton encourage our members to ask for I would have her because we don't have just one funeral home we serve Old South Florida whatever they call those if you can you show me waking request and I will have our goals whatever we have to go we're not traveling team we go and I will request it something else find me a jack where sometimes weiner so small community and everybody we know each other sometimes find me a request mean can you be part of the you know start an espresso can be part of microbe and we tried to do it with airplane try to do you know people they wanted to be part of the ethical so I think that you know should my mind fresh and you know but I've been involved in is that you know nowadays the general trend is that we don't treat somebody who committed suicide in terms of burial in any way different than let me treat somebody died natural causes the assumption is you know based on experience and you're awesome you can in a filling from your experience from two different angles one is that there's a resumption perhaps the last moment the person may have regretted it may not have wanted to commit suicide the other is that we do treat somebody who commits suicide as a it says is result of of Mental Illness but which we consider that you know enough to be considered to be someone who's almost like I knew somebody who is it was not willfully done it was something was in ill but they'd suffered through similar to on the way we'd assume somebody dies of a natural illness like like I say cancer or something like that we to view mental illness that leads to to suicide and in that same sort of that sings from the vein that there's one exception if a person writes a letter dear Mom Dad I'm going to teach you a lesson that you'll never ever be able to live your life ever again I'm as you have and that's considered more of an evil type of a suicide and today they are those that would do the knob 34 years I've never cross that but if God forbid that scenario took place there would be reason to bury that person on the outskirt I'm the cemetery with in the cemetery but I need in the corner somewhere but I have a very interesting story that happened many years ago there was a I got a call from a gentleman in New York isn't this Mandel he was the innovator of burial in is and he called me and he told me that this Jewish man had died in a hotel in Miami Beach 5 year 5 happy years before he made the call to me he was buried in a John Doe Cemetery in a Potter's field and a Potter's field they dig trenches they bury one person they cover it they bury the next person they covered in an unmarked grave in a Potter's field and now the wife I wanted to get remarried but she was in a Guna she could not get remarried  and they hired forensic people to try to find where he was and it all led to this Potter's field in in Miami so we started off one morning they wanted they were going to take him to Israel for burial we started off about 6 in the morning I'm covering one grave and we knew how this person passed and this was not the first one we dug up was not the right one the second one was not the right one third one was not the right one now it's the fourth one what the the medical the the dentist the forensic Dental expert Dare to Compare the dent records of this guy and and of course of the disease and it's getting dark he said I'm not staying here I'm going to meet you at the medical examiner's office if you think this next one is it can I should we got to stay here the family paid a lot of money to get this done and the sun is coming down and I said we got to try one more gray one more gray and we did and sure enough we lifted the mace out it was the only mace that had no not a pinhole in in the body bag that was very that he was buried and we open up the body bag and he had the Noose around his neck that he had committed suicide with LeBron back to the medical examiner's office and it turned out positive match the dental records we shipped into Eric Cicero ill this guy finally had some peace I mean he was what he went through to be buried as a nun as age no in a Potter's field but now the Story begins my daughter was in seminary in in Jerusalem and she becomes good friends with this young lady  and this young lady says to my daughter she said I've never told this story to anybody but my father died in a hotel in Miami Beach and five years after he died he was brought to to Israel for real  and my daughter said  my father helped bring your father to Saudi riyal May became good friends but dumb she said something very interesting to my daughter she said now I understand why my father was buried on the side of the Sun Terry I never understood why he was buried on the side of the cemetery but I don't know what that had to do with really with any that it was just a pretty amazing set of a circumstances that nothing is circumstance but it setting change depends on how they're killed is there a killed because there were Jus like in Terrorist chat then things do change you don't do a full 2 are you married this will be part of my presentation not tomorrow but the next day I will deal with terrorism your varied in the clothes in which you were assassinated and that's to show God that this is all catered Russian prayers Merced and so on and sometimes talk with him are late over but that's what the show honora says for kill bad if you're just killed by a car accident then it would be the same to her  what's the what or the same thing like Israeli soldiers for example are buried in the clothes in which they were they were killed in combat no no no  let's go on Miles and Jordan at the Hara Metroid Part of the time, yes  don't think that's not there playville are trying to change that there are trying they are trying to take it out of the control of the revenue and give it to their already is now over there is and Israeli inbounding company yeah and it sucks it's the other trying desperately to get to allow free choice I don't know some other you tell me cuz you need something on the day next year I'm going for the well I think they were I think they would be Berry they would have to hire oh yeah because they were according to the law korneev the halacha they were they were they were killed  nishnabotna song what are the requirements for the Village of Oak Island TV show The Kitchen Bar cuz I'm different different different communities probably have different practices on store there's definitely not mine you can turn this here  some communities profit we have an easier time having making higher standards if there are more people around or eligible to be in the fabric of the show Rivoli in expectation of the above the level of observance I think that level of observance probably flop it is different between different levels and then through the years that has been created since when you have choices that we have a lower standard becoming like more but members of our hey brother those before we will never insult them I said you're not part of the hair anymore alright you guys two guys been terrific I really appreciate the thoughtfulness with what you guys been asking questions and answers I want to thank all of our volunteers came in this and not really mean for prostitute to learn from you and to hear from you and thank you for fragile in Austin for really providing a really important warning for for our students are so so thank you all very much I have mentioned before about the intensity of that to her and I'm sure all the people who do it I felt that same intensity this morning so I want to thank all

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